You messed up. Your boyfriend knows it and you know it too. You wish you could take back what happened, but you can’t. You feel as though you’ve completely ruined any chance you may have had for a future with him. You probably haven’t. If you’re asking the question, “How do I get my boyfriend to trust me again,” the answer is really very straightforward. You’re going to have to roll up your sleeves, find all the patience you can muster and get to work making him believe in you again.
Breaking the trust of someone you love is a horrible thing. It leaves a lingering feeling of confusion and regret in their minds. If your boyfriend had no idea of your betrayal until you confessed, he’ll also likely feel very embarrassed. It’s even more overwhelming if he was confronted with it by someone else. It doesn’t really matter if you lied to him, cheated on him or did something you knew he wouldn’t approve of. The end result is still the same. He’s in emotional pain because of you.
Start the path to forgiveness by telling him you regret your actions. Unless you mean it, you shouldn’t be apologizing. You also shouldn’t be trying to piece the relationship back together. You must have and feel genuine remorse for what you did. You need to be able to recognize that it was wrong and that it caused deep pain in the person you love most.
After you’ve made an attempt to apologize, you need to give your boyfriend some time to process what happened. Naturally, you want him to say that all is forgiven and for the relationship to move forward without missing a beat. That’s just not possible. Forgiveness and the rebuilding of trust take time. You made a mistake and for the foreseeable future you have to work on making amends for that.
Depending on what happened, your boyfriend is likely to have some questions for you. These aren’t going to be easy to answer, but you have to do it if you want to save the relationship. You also need to be as honest as you can be without hurting his feelings further. Don’t try and blame him for your mistake. Even though you may feel internally as though you had no choice to do what you did, he won’t see it that way at all. He wants you to take full responsibility, and you need to.
Rebuilding the lost trust is all about establishing new behaviour patterns. Your boyfriend will very likely be suspicious of you for the time being. He may want to check your cell phone more often or he may ask you not to be on your computer in private. If you had an affair, he’s also going to want to know where you are more of the time. You have to be willing to make concessions if you want the relationship to get back to the trusting place it once was. Do whatever you can to appease his suspicions and to show him that you’ve changed. In time, the mistake you make will fade into the background, and your character and love for him will shine through.